... wasted

waste
   /weɪst/
verb, wast⋅ed, wast⋅ing, noun, adjective
–verb (used with object)
1. to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return; use to no avail or profit; squander: to waste money; to waste words.
2. to fail or neglect to use: to waste an opportunity.
3. to destroy or consume gradually; wear away: The waves waste the rock of the shore.
4. to wear down or reduce in bodily substance, health, or strength; emaciate; enfeeble: to be wasted by disease or hunger.
5. to destroy, devastate, or ruin: a country wasted by a long and futile war.
6. Slang. to kill or murder.

... what else to describe best of what i am feeling right now. I don't think i am even in a proper state to write this blog at this moment. With bloodshot eyes, and a skin tone as red as the first bloom of hibiscus .. i don't think any of this would make sense when i read it again once i am sober. It feels weird .. to be typing away in this feeble state of mind, and do pardon me if it seems all jumbled up, but i just feel like writing at this moment.

... it has been long since i updated this blog, and probably would disappoint those that might have followed my updates earlier. I would not delve too deep into what had caused all the stupidity and silliness that i had went through for the past 3 hours, it is too personal .. something that is best left alone .. hidden away in the depths of my misery. It has been really hard for me to live a life of solitude since i last had a relationship, and it is really painful to have all the memories coming back to me within 3 hours .. it is beyond any words .. i just have no way of describing it.

... misery has its way of creeping up to you when you least expect it.

... i am no where near such devastation as all of you might have guessed upon reading the first two paragraphs. I am very much sane right now ..

... i hope

... but it is this misery that drives me on and on. I feed on this, slowly drowning myself in this feeling of disgust, renewing my hopes and dreams every single time this annoying little creature called Misery creeps up behind me. Tonight .. being "wasted" .. it is just a night where i just let loose. Misery is a friend of which i don't like having .. but still, it is an obligation .. a friend that you can't afford losing. Without this friend to give you that little nudge or shoving .. or slaps and punches ..

... it is a waste

... this post might be really awkward way to renew my interest in writing. It might even be wasted in the end. But at the very least, i gain an inner sight into my friend called Misery. I am just glad that i have other friends that had helped me for the past 48 hours, you know who you are .. and i am just glad that you have listened. I have renewed faith, and now i know, regardless where you are, who you are ... whether you are named Misery, whether you are Chinese, American .. male or female .. or i have just met you for 30 minutes,

... nothing is wasted

... at this moment, i just hope i have not written down anything silly, or corny enough. Any mistakes, or any weird statements ... blame it on my other friend named Misery that is whispering behind my ear whilst i am typing.

... all this might just be a huge misunderstanding, but regardless, i am not letting go that easily. I feel really grateful to those that have listened, i might have sounded like a teenager whining and worrying too much over a small problem, i am sorry for that, and i am sorry if i have dragged all of you into sharing a conversation with my sneaky friend .. there is no other way to repay you all, than to offer my ear and my sincere heart if you ever needed someone to talk to. I would not let any of your efforts be wasted.

... good night