Elysian Dreams

.. eternal bliss

2010-03-02T21:35:00.003+07:00

What else could describe it best aside from eternal bliss. That is what weddings are all about, it it not only the union of two people, but it brings families together as well (in my case, from different countries). I would want to write more about this, but i guess it won't make sense, as most of you would be looking at the photos. Guess it'll go into another post then.

Anyways ..

All these photos are not edited in any way. There is more than 200 photos taken and i have only chosen about 50 here. I have high res copies of all these photo's, so if any of you need one, for memories, write to me. It was a tiring day for the photo shoot. Almost all the photos are taken outdoor on location in Saigon, only the last few potraits are taken inside the studio.

Please remember to ask for permission if you need to re-post these photos somewhere else ..

.. down memory lane

2010-02-13T22:31:00.006+07:00

.. it has been a roller coaster

.. on the eve of Lunar New Year, being far away from home for the first time ever, memories of my past came flooding back to me. The rush is such, that unknowingly i shaded tears.

.. oh such fond memories.

.. with that, i have endowed on a personal quest, to actually find old pictures of myself, within the past 20+ years ago. Back then, digital cameras has not made its mark yet, and i was not from a well to do family that could afford to own a camera. This would be a quest of great difficulty, it requires a lot of patience and time. Bear with me, i am making great progress now.

.. looking back, from the days of growing up in a small village by the borders of a small coal mining town by the seaside playing with rocks and sticks, to my first real socializing with the outside world when i entered kindergarten. And then continuing my primary school year back in 1985 wearing extremely short .. shorts. At least when high school started in 1991, i get long pants and the internet.

.. looking back, i realize how many times i have regretted passing up that one single opportunity to look for other possible ones. Without regrets in the first place, i would never had felt grateful on all the other chances that was created when i let go of the first one.

.. today, i realize how precious our memories could be. What better way to catalog it than to have it here. Quality of some of the old uploaded photos might not be that good if i could trace them back, but what i can share today, is the life i am living today.

.. my quest for the past would be done in steps

.. this is me today

.. being married, by taking this road, i have created so many other paths that is not made available to me earlier. I have someone to share my life with. I have someone to share my memories and make new ones.

.. life might be short, but all your memories from it are eternal.

Gong Xi Fa Xai !

.. and

Happy Valentine's Day !

.. coming back soon

2010-01-28T00:46:00.001+07:00

.. well, this is just to let everyone know that i would be posting extensively again soon.

.. for the greater good

2009-03-18T00:01:00.002+07:00

.. life is ever so filled with cruelty and happiness. Often it would strike hard and fast without you even realizing where it came from. Happiness comes from life that you share with another, be it a friend or your partner. I have to admit, i have changed so much since i came to Vietnam. Friends who knows me well, especially those who had been with me all this whilst i undergo the transformation to who i am right not.

.. in the harsh conditions that made me leave Malaysia for good, and i do mean it, for good, there is no looking back now, i could never forget. Be it the monster that i have turned into now, covered by the fake angelic and crooked smile that i have always worn on my face, i could never bring myself to admit that i do enjoy the solitude that i have every single time i am alone.

.. maybe i am meant to live my life that way. Alone .. maybe the quote i have so fondly used everywhere, depicted right at the bottom of this page really is my motivation to move on.

" .. why are we so fond of life, which begins with a groan .. and ends with a cry."

.. often i ponder, is it what lies in between? I am born into this world from the bonds of love my parents have, but is it destined for me to go alone as well. Being the monster i am now, would i be able shed this vampiric behavior and be really able to accept someone into my life again ? Is my pursuit of happiness over, having turned myself into a vampire that lives a life of solitude ? Not being able to accept anything, or anyone, hiding away in the comforts of my own darkness, enjoying the coldness that freezes my heart from accepting the warmth offered by friends.

.. i have so many questions left unanswered, and i guess it would never be, until i really find the one person that is meant for me to spend eternity with. In the mean time, might as well i just wear a big placard around my neck ..

" .. all ye who enter, abandon hope"

.. whatever decision that i come to, or which is made for me by others, i believe it is for the greater good. There is a reason for everything, and for everything that there is, it is for something.

.. don't be afraid friends, i am still who i am. I'll still have that crooked smile when you see me. I'll still be the angel that you all know. Only a selected few would see the real me, and i do thank you all for being with me all this while. Being a monster is not easy, especially one that is good.

.. or rather one that thinks he is good, maybe sometimes his fiendish self would resurface and start terrorizing everything around him

.. for the greater good of course.

:-P

( .. i am not in any way drunk when i am writing this. Just another one of my ramblings, just feeling a bit down today, and i need to write something gloomy, good night all, don't think this would make sense since it doesn't even make sense to me )

.. medical report

2009-03-08T01:27:00.002+07:00

.. just a short update, went for a full medical check up yesterday and the reports are out. Full means, it includes x-rays, colour blindness test, urine tests, blood tests, reflexes,immunities, hearing tests .. bla bla bla. No short cuts this time (i actually got one made by a friend of mine for free, which works as a doctor in a Goverment military hospital, but it was rejected)

.. due to really stringent Vietnamese laws it has to be done. Hopefully, if my application for the work permit is approved, i do not have to have 2 pages of my passport taken up every single time my visa is renewed. My stay in Vietnam would be extended to at least one year. The approval of the work permit would also pave way for application of permanent residency and a driving license.

.. yes you heard me right, a driving license. I would have my Malaysian driving license translated and apply for a Vietnamese one, which apparently never expires. You just do it once ! Maybe that explains why the Vietnamese don't have as much fireworks display compared to Malaysia. I don't want to elaborate on this .. i think it is understood.

.. and oh ya .. back to my first ever medical report after 29 years of living this life, i am perfectly healthy ! No HIV, no heart conditions, no illnesses, no problems with my reflexes, i am not colour blind .. and the list goes on and on. It was terrifying when i first went (for those that knows me well, you know my working conditions .., and sleepless nights of course .. ) because i am not very sure on what is going on inside me.

.. the only thing that needs to be done now, is getting my Hepatitis immunization. I am immune to everything else aside from this, and i am currently living in a country which has really high risk of contracting it. Once i get the reports, perhaps i would try to have a copy of my X-ray immortalized here in this blog. This really brings blogging into a whole new level .. hee hee .. instead of having a peek into my thoughts, readers would actually have a peek into me !

( PS : I would definitely leave the lower body scans out, so this is still not rated PG - 18, it is safe for underage readers )

.. twitter !

2009-03-04T10:49:00.003+07:00

.. well, another small change to my blog. As you all can see above, i've got myself a twitter account, updates will be live !

.. it is fun to use, but i do wonder, how would it affect my privacy ?

.. and here is a short description from wiki

"Twitter is a social networking and micro-blogging service that allows its users to send and read other users' updates (known as tweets), which are text-based posts of up to 140 characters in length. Updates are displayed on the user's profile page and delivered to other users who have signed up to receive them. Senders can restrict delivery to those in their circle of friends (delivery to everyone being the default). Users can send and receive updates via the Twitter website, SMS, RSS (receive only), or through applications such as Tweetie, Twitterrific, and Feedalizr. The service is free to use over the web, but using SMS may incur phone services provider fees.

Four gateway numbers are currently available for SMS: short codes for the United States, Canada, and India, and a United Kingdom-based number for international use. Several third parties offer posting and receiving updates via email.

Estimates of the number of daily users vary as the company does not release the number of active accounts. In November 2008, Jeremiah Owyang of Forrester Research estimated that Twitter had 4-5 million users.[2] A February 2009 Compete.com blog entry ranks Twitter as the third largest social network (MySpace would be second and Facebook would be the largest in the world[citation needed]), and puts the number of users at roughly 6 million and the number of monthly visitors at 55 million.[3]"

.. but anyway, for friends who are interested in joining me in the twitter network, it will be fun if there is more !
visit their page at http://www.twitter.com

... wasted

2009-02-12T00:52:00.002+07:00

waste
/weɪst/
verb, wast⋅ed, wast⋅ing, noun, adjective
–verb (used with object)
1. to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return; use to no avail or profit; squander: to waste money; to waste words.
2. to fail or neglect to use: to waste an opportunity.
3. to destroy or consume gradually; wear away: The waves waste the rock of the shore.
4. to wear down or reduce in bodily substance, health, or strength; emaciate; enfeeble: to be wasted by disease or hunger.
5. to destroy, devastate, or ruin: a country wasted by a long and futile war.
6. Slang. to kill or murder.

... what else to describe best of what i am feeling right now. I don't think i am even in a proper state to write this blog at this moment. With bloodshot eyes, and a skin tone as red as the first bloom of hibiscus .. i don't think any of this would make sense when i read it again once i am sober. It feels weird .. to be typing away in this feeble state of mind, and do pardon me if it seems all jumbled up, but i just feel like writing at this moment.

... it has been long since i updated this blog, and probably would disappoint those that might have followed my updates earlier. I would not delve too deep into what had caused all the stupidity and silliness that i had went through for the past 3 hours, it is too personal .. something that is best left alone .. hidden away in the depths of my misery. It has been really hard for me to live a life of solitude since i last had a relationship, and it is really painful to have all the memories coming back to me within 3 hours .. it is beyond any words .. i just have no way of describing it.

... misery has its way of creeping up to you when you least expect it.

... i am no where near such devastation as all of you might have guessed upon reading the first two paragraphs. I am very much sane right now ..

... i hope

... but it is this misery that drives me on and on. I feed on this, slowly drowning myself in this feeling of disgust, renewing my hopes and dreams every single time this annoying little creature called Misery creeps up behind me. Tonight .. being "wasted" .. it is just a night where i just let loose. Misery is a friend of which i don't like having .. but still, it is an obligation .. a friend that you can't afford losing. Without this friend to give you that little nudge or shoving .. or slaps and punches ..

... it is a waste

... this post might be really awkward way to renew my interest in writing. It might even be wasted in the end. But at the very least, i gain an inner sight into my friend called Misery. I am just glad that i have other friends that had helped me for the past 48 hours, you know who you are .. and i am just glad that you have listened. I have renewed faith, and now i know, regardless where you are, who you are ... whether you are named Misery, whether you are Chinese, American .. male or female .. or i have just met you for 30 minutes,

... nothing is wasted

... at this moment, i just hope i have not written down anything silly, or corny enough. Any mistakes, or any weird statements ... blame it on my other friend named Misery that is whispering behind my ear whilst i am typing.

... all this might just be a huge misunderstanding, but regardless, i am not letting go that easily. I feel really grateful to those that have listened, i might have sounded like a teenager whining and worrying too much over a small problem, i am sorry for that, and i am sorry if i have dragged all of you into sharing a conversation with my sneaky friend .. there is no other way to repay you all, than to offer my ear and my sincere heart if you ever needed someone to talk to. I would not let any of your efforts be wasted.

... good night

.. paradise in the middle of nowhere

2008-07-05T21:56:00.008+07:00

.. after an arduous journey of 200 kilometers which took me almost 5 hours out of Saigon braving the morning rush hour, i've reached my destination, or rather the junction that leads to my destination. The beach i am going to, still needs about 35 kilometers into the depths of nowhere. I snapped a whole bunch of pictures, there won't be much detailed explanation, but i will try my best as i am just too darn tired. This page might take slightly longer to load with so many photograph being uploaded .. its worth the wait !

i thought the real journey would begin after we escaped the horror of Saigon's rush hour, but apparently, the road that we are on leads to Hanoi as well, which is about 2000 kilometers away, a long stretch of straight road .. passing through small towns once in a while.

we stopped for a break at one of these stops, dotted throughout our journey every 2 kilometers or so. They only sell drinks, but what interests me more was that these are built not for travellers, but for workers and farmers working around the area to take a quick nap during their lunch breaks.

these are taken after we turn off the main road to go into the beach area, another 35 kilometers of journey with cows, paddy fields, more cows .. and more paddy fields. It's another long stretch of straight road with the destination no where in sight. Later, i realized that my cab driver took the least taken road that leads into the resorts, filled with holes, puddles, cows .. all that and not one single vehicle in sight .. and i wondered, why did they even bothered to tar the road in the first place.

above are all images that i have snapped within the compound of the villa style resort that i am going to stay in for the next week. It is a 5 star resort, just officially opened last month, so there is practically no guests around at all .. nothing else could be more perfect! The compound is beautifully decorated with flowers and its natural sweet scent accompanying your every step, and there is a swimming pool at every corner, towards the beach they even have an infinity pool !! The beach is left untouched and all the resorts around this coastline are spaced quite far from each another. I have yet to visit all the other resorts, the fishing village, the sand dunes .. there is so much see and much to be done. More pictures would be added soon enough as i explore around the place.

.. both of my nights here is spent watching the sunset alone, telling myself how beautiful this place is, letting the sun cast its hypnotic rays, burning a memory into my mind. The passing shadows seems to be urged faster and faster by the crash of the waves, racing towards where i am sitted. I would wait until the shadows reach me before calling it a day.

.. a new day of exploration awaits tomorrow. Good night all.

.. off to the beaches and sand dunes

2008-07-03T23:47:00.004+07:00

.. well, i am off to the beaches and huge sand dunes for almost 2 weeks, or earlier, if i could finish off my tasks there. The place i am headed to is about 4 hours drive from Ho Chi Minh City, to a province named Phan Thiet. I might not be able to update my blog in this period of time, depending on the availability of a connection there.

.. in the meantime, provided here is a link to where i would be staying. Check out the pictures within the website on the natural scenery of the province.

.. i would of course provide photos of my own as well in my next update. This trip would be my first "unofficial" (officially, i am there for work!!) trip out of town as a tourist to one of Vietnam's natural beauties, and i am sure there is much to see and amuse myself with.

.. Musa ca ri an do !

2008-07-01T13:25:00.015+07:00

.. first, i would like to apologize for the slight delay in updates, as my laptop was infected with a virus that disables my login to Windows, had a long weekend formatting and restoring it.

.. most might not understand what my title might mean, but i do feel it is worth mentioning here in my blog, as it has satisfied my craving for curry in Vietnam .. to an extent. Musa ca ri an do means Musa Indian Curry, i was introduced and brought to it by a friend. Six of us went, and we had a feast sitted around a small square table.

Hidden in an alleyway, this establishment took up almost 2 shoplots, 1 for the kitchen and own for the indoor sitting and since they are towards the end of the alley, they filled up the road as well (..or lane/walkway, whatever it might be, we were sandwiched between 2 double storey building, a hole in the wall). We arrived during peak dinner hour and was lucky to have found a place to sit, though a small table but it fitted us comfortably .. well, before the food started coming. Environment was great ! .. the air was filled with chatter, clink and clanks of cutlery, cries of children running around .. ahh bliss, reminds me so much of the food court in SS2, back in KL.

It might not be the most presentable of all places hygienically especially the floors .. its hawker food, what else do you expect ? I had not problems with my stomach days after, instead yearning and craving for more of it, so i guess its more than safe, since i went during a busy day and during peak hour. All cutlery and dishes were clean without grease on it. Now .. lets move on to the food .. we ordered quite a lot, we started off with the curry .. of course, served with fresh banh mi (french loafs). The curry is almost the same as what i usually have back home, but instead of chunks of meat, these came with the bones and ribs ! I dug in without hesitance, using my fingers .. there is no way that i am able to juggle mutton knuckles with chopsticks whilst trying to tear succulent meat off! Curry is spiced just enough and sweet at the same time just to cater to local taste buds. it might not be as spicy as what we can get in Malaysia, but its acceptable enough to please my cravings .. and extra delicious and yummy dipped with the loafs ! Meat is slightly tough that day, but i won't complain, because it is lean meat from a goat which exercised a lot it seems.

.. barbecued crab laced with a generous helping of sweet lemon grass, a bit of chili, and some barbecue sauce was served next. We had bamboo shoot and prawn salad earlier, but i was too late in getting a picture, what i am left with is just the empty plate next to the crabs. It shows enough how good it was to be snapped up immediately. We also had some kind of fish stew later, which i left alone because i don't really fancy fish cooked this way. Sticky rice was also ordered. Quite a nice texture and feel to the rice, simple, cooked with 5 spice powder and , and infused with sweetness of honey, and mixed with raisins.

The small plates that you see all over the table is a mixture of salt and pepper, topped with a lemon which you need to squeeze over it. It is a common thing you can see in all eateries in Vietnam, these are used to as dipping for your food. Another type of dipping not in the pictures would be fish sauce, LOL, that is practically served with every dish as well, with one small chili cut in side. Here you don't get chili padi or red chili served with soya sauce.

The final item that can be highlighted was the side dishes that came together with the fish. I can't remember what it is called, but it is a thin plasticky popia skin, which you use to wrap the fish meat, and rice noodle, and herbs .. dip it into fish sauce and munch .. yummy! Thanks to out new found friends, we were even shown the proper way of doing it. Look at one of the pictures, just a blur of hand moving all over the place grabbing herbs and vegetables! The simplicity of the dish it self makes you yearn for more, and the herbs just revitalizes our taste buds which had been bombarded with taste of different dishes earlier.

It was a great experience and we left the table filled up with empty plates and bowls, a great honour to the restaurant itself showing how satisfied we are with the meal. We paid about 600,000 VND for it, which comes to about 36 USD converted, shared amongst six of us, reasonable price for the great food we had. Would definitely be back again for more.

Everything served to us was fresh, yes even the fish head stew. The mutton was marinated properly before being placed into the curry to get rid of the "mutton" smell. Personally, i hoped the curry was much spicier though, but since they have cooked everything in a big pot before being served into smaller plates, don't think i would be able to demand much. They also have "Hot Pots"/"steambots" served, with a choice of curry or normal stock soup. Remember to order any dishes with fresh bamboo shoots as well, especially the salads! They are fresh bamboo shoots, not canned!

Curious readers could find the place near Windsor hotel in District 5 Saigon, the exact address being MUSA CA RI AN DO,001, Block B, Su Van Hanh, ward 9, district 5. From windsor's main entrance, just walk down the road for about 100 meters and you would see an alleyway to your right filled with bikes and lights,people, and food at the end .. if you get lost, just ask anyone, they will point you to the correct direction, just mention Ca Ri An Do !

.. touched by an angel

2008-06-24T22:01:00.006+07:00

click image for original size.

.. something i cooked up earlier today. All images and writings are of original creation, if any has intention to use or post this on another site, please ask for permission and i will allow it as long as it is not related to porn or sites with controversial materials.

PS : angel, looking forward to seeing you again !

.. still life

2008-06-24T13:02:00.002+07:00

This still life is all I ever do
There by the window quietly killed for you
In the glass house my insect life
Crawling the walls under electric lights
I'll go into the night into the night
She and I into the night

Is this still life all I'm good for too?
There by the window quietly killed for you
And they drive by like insects do
They think they don't know me
They hired a car for you

To go into the night, into the night
She and I into the night

And this still life is all I ever do
There by the window quietly killed for you
And this still life is all I ever do
But it's still, still life
But it's still, still life
But it's still, still life

~~Suede~~
~Dog Man Star~

Note: One of my all time favorites from Suede, try to understand the real meaning behind the song .. ahhh .. so symbolic

.. common people

2008-06-24T12:53:00.004+07:00

She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge,
she studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College,
that's where I,
caught her eye.
She told me that her Dad was loaded,
I said "In that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola."
She said "Fine."
and in thirty seconds time she said,

"I want to live like common people,
I want to do whatever common people do,
I want to sleep with common people,
I want to sleep with common people,
like you."

Well what else could I do -
I said "I'll see what I can do."
I took her to a supermarket,
I don't know why but I had to start it somewhere,
so it started there.
I said pretend you've got no money,
she just laughed and said,
"Oh you're so funny."
I said "yeah?
Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here.
Are you sure you want to live like common people,
you want to see whatever common people see,
you want to sleep with common people,
you want to sleep with common people,
like me."
But she didn't understand,
she just smiled and held my hand.
Rent a flat above a shop,
cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool,
pretend you never went to school.
But still you'll never get it right,
cos when you're laid in bed at night,
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you call your Dad he could stop it all.

You'll never live like common people,
you'll never do what common people do,
you'll never fail like common people,
you'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw,
because there's nothing else to do.

Sing along with the common people,
sing along and it might just get you through,
laugh along with the common people,
laugh along even though they're laughing at you,
and the stupid things that you do.
Because you think that poor is cool.

I want to live with common people,
I want to live with common people etc...

~~Pulp~~
~Different Class~

Note : I just love it when "story telling" is involved in music ..

.. music is said to be the speech of angels

2008-06-24T02:14:00.004+07:00

.. finally, another long awaited update that i had planned for my blog. I've added a music stream, which would at the same time highlight creations by artists which i hold high in praise. Some of the uploaded contents would be accompanied by lyrics under music tags, usually those which had been masterfully crafted.

.. navigation is easy, under the end of each song, you would find artist name and album, just find the song in the MediaMaster widget to the right and press play! It might take some time to load, that is why i place the widget way down bottom.

.. also, you are not allowed to download these musics, i would only put up streams for albums that i own myself. Please support original !

.. the living dead

2008-06-24T02:04:00.006+07:00

If I was the wife of an acrobat...
Could of had it all...Could of had it all...

Where's all the money gone? - I'm talking to you,
All up the whole in your arm,
is the needle a much better screw?
But oh, what will you do alone? Cos I have to go.
Where is this life of fun that you promised me?
Nothing here works but your works and I mean it
I have to leave
But oh, what will you do alone? Cos I have to go.
If I was the wife of an acrobat would I look like the living dead, boy?
You're on the wire and can't get back,Let's talk about the living dead
Could have had a car, could have had it all,
Could have walked in the sky but we stare at the wall.
I know where the money's gone - I know what you do
Cos I've seen the hole in your arm and the needle's a much better screw
but oh, what will you do alone? Cos I have to go..

~~Suede~~
~Sci-Fi Lullabies (1 of 2)~

Note : The wife of an acrobat ? Who else would've thought of these stuffs but Suede.

.. tears, idle tears

2008-06-23T01:03:00.002+07:00

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.

Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O Death in Life, the days that are no more!

~Author unknown~

.. friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief

2008-06-22T23:25:00.003+07:00

.. it was a great outing last night. A small gathering, nevertheless an interesting bunch of more than 30 turned up, born from a tool named facebook that is used by people with bad memories to remember names of their friends and spam the same friends with useless applications (.. well not all).

.. created back in September last year, this group aptly named Expats in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), with a group of 250+ members strong, attracted me when i first came to Vietnam, being a community which binds expats like me together, sharing a common goal, familiarizing ourselves with the intricacies of foreign cultures and laws. We began with introductions of ourselves I was placed in a position quite difficult as i was sitted right in the middle of a very long table arrangement. Stuttered a bit and was more like talking to myself as its difficult to maintain eye contact with anyone .. 15+ on my left and the remaining 15+ on my right .. left right left right .. zz. Confusion and disarray !! How could i even claim myself to be a good sales person dealing with the multi million AV industry after this experience ?

.. things got slightly under control later as i moved about trying to remember names and strike up conversations. There might be some that i missed out, but that is what facebook is for, to further develop the relationship that is hanging on a fine thread just because you have bad memories.

.. the day got better as i developed a bad throat from talking too much. LOL .. not better because of the bad throat, but better after i moved to the pool table when the soreness heated up. Met up with the owner of the restaurant which we gathered in, which happens to be a good friend of my director. He introduced me to another regular of his which plays Snooker! And both of them would introduce me to another friend which plays professional snooker .. looks like i could have my regular practices again soon.

.. this post might sound boring as this is not my preferred style of writing. Usually the boring stuffs i would just label it as news, for the benefit of those who would just want to ignore it totally. It is nonetheless important to me as it signifies small achievements that will change my life as an expat one way or another.

.. till the next post, ciao

.. what we call results are beginnings

2008-06-18T23:56:00.003+07:00

.. as you all can see, there is a slight change to my blog. There is an addition of my own banner, which i would change from time to time as showcase of my passion for digital art. I'm starting with something simple first, as I'm just too stressed from the amount of paper works i had done and compiled earlier today. There is also an addition of a footer below, which would double up as my email link, to those who would want to contact me personally.

.. it is a small step, but the changes i made today are results which i had been putting on hold for quite some time now. Aside from the addition of the images, i have also made adjustments on the default html template to cater to my own needs, getting rid of limitations and unnecessary items. Took me quite some time to recall my html coding lessons, but i am more than satisfied with what i had achieved. Slowly, i would personalize this to my likings.

.. won't go on to much here, since most likely i am going to label this news.

.. petty updates but definitely an important beginning for me.

.. reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol

2008-06-15T22:54:00.003+07:00

.. time just breezes through for me in Vietnam, without realizing it, i have already spent 17 days in Saigon, working and exploring my new found life in an alien country. Maybe that is just reality. When you keep your mind distracted, things just float by, without the need for ourselves to have a second thought for it at all. Today, i would provide a peek into the night life of Vietnam. Whatever that i might write below, would strictly be my personal ramblings, and might not be entirely true. There are a lot of restrictions around in this country, and i would try my very best not to cross that.

.. as most of you would have known by now, fags and booze in Vietnam is dirt cheap. The local beers here costs the same as a can of coke, and buying a carton of fags here would be the equivalent of buying a single pack in Singapore. Perhaps, that is why alcohol is so widely abused in this country, leaving that to be the only form of entertainment for the "adult" world here. Membership with gyms and clubs are expensive, as i have learnt as i go around looking for one. These establishments prey on expats like me, as of so many other "posh" setups. I guess, the search continues for me, hoping to get this all sorted out by next week as my muscles is just dying to be stretched again (jogged up and down 9 storeys today !). Regardless the price i need to pay, it has to happen, as i don't fancy going out for alcohol that often.

.. i am not the type that believes relationships could be built through alcohol. How often would conversations be taken seriously when you are in a heightened state of intoxication? But, here is where all havoc breaks loose for me. It seems, almost every business contacts that i meet so far is from a glass of drink! Look at the picture above, 3 bottles of Johnie Walker Black Label lined up nicely, and we managed to finish it in a period of 2 hours, with people whom i never met at all, in a club with loud thumping music and people packed to the brim. Its not even possible to talk to anyone at all, with the thumps and bumps, but somehow i ended up having stacks of name cards with me, and people inviting me for lunch or coffee weeks after that madness.

.. somehow, it seems that this unknown force is keeping everything together, feeding on this illusion that keeps everything so vibrant yet mad from abuse of alcohol. Business relation or friendships could be built or torn apart through alcohol .. somehow, it is still something that baffles me. I just can't seem to understand what fun there is to derive from getting highly intoxicated? It is a common sight here in Vietnam, all nightspots that has alcohol would be filled with locals and expats alike. I am not condemning anyone, everyone has their own way and method of entertainment (but it seems like in Vietnam, a lot more likes alcohol), and definitely it has high potential to built a strong business network.

.. this illusion of reality created by most when they are lack of alcohol, would pull them down so hard, searing off that small part of them that was given freedom everytime they are intoxicated, leaving them yearning more and more of it, thus feeding and nurturing this nocturnal beast that hunts for a prey named alcohol every night.

.. i have not "entertained" anyone for quite sometime now, setting appointments during the wee hours of the morning, for lunch, and afternoon teas. Dinners would mostly be cooked at home, unless i am out with friends. I am mildly surprised, as things still worked out well as i make progress in projects i am concentrated on, albeit a bit slower compared to a night out with lots of alcohol.

.. maybe sometimes, the beast needs to be let out to feed just to keep things interesting if else fails.

.. sometimes, it is just best to treat reality as an illusion.

.. part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like, and let the food fight it out inside - Mark Twain

2008-06-08T01:14:00.007+07:00

.. i am officially into the second month of living my life as an expat in Vietnam, and i think this would be due time for another confession, but of course on a much happier note compared to the earlier one. Starting a new life here was easy, i have even managed to sort out most of my groceries myself without much confusion, though majority of the items displayed on the shelfs are purely in Vietnamese. Managed to also sort out almost everything in regards to the apartment i have rented, with a landlord who does not speak English that well.

.. well, leaving that aside, with me being able to rest easier now and concentrate on my work, it dawned to me that i actually miss something so dearly back in Malaysia, that i would want to use my return ticket immediately. Many would have guessed immediately with a glimpse at the title that it involves food, but to me, its much more than that.

.. a picture always says a thousand words, and i went through lengths to compile these pictures, having being so ignorant about it when i was back in Malaysia, and having none of it here with me in Vietnam. For those who does not know, that is a "Mamak". Mamak could refer to the person itself, or the business he is in .. call it a culture, but this post would have a full dedication to something truly Malaysian, something i missed so much.

.. the word Mamak is derived from the Tamil term for maternal uncle, or 'maa-ma'. In Malaysia (and i think in many parts of asian countries as well), we all grew up being taught of respecting people older than us as "uncle" or "auntie", be it a shopkeeper, or the bus driver, or even total strangers. Probably, from there, it has evolved into a term so widely used by all Malaysian, in respect to the different owners of these small establishments of "fast food" chain, that had provided us a comfortable and universal menu, with a network of stalls that dotted Malaysia much better than all the cellphone network providers combined. Who else deserved better to be called "uncle" than them .. The mamaks!

.. mamaks serves cheap and good food. It is also a melting pot of cultural symphony and unity, with patrons from all walks of life, young and old, of different races, mingling together .. to gossip or just catch a game of football on a projected screen. Most of the time it is open air, with stalls being easily set up on any open areas with high population density, setting up plastic tables and chairs on car parks, walkways of shops, and even on the roads. Most of them are open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year.

.. irregardless of the owner, almost all mamak stalls in Malaysia offers a standard menu. Some might have "improved" their selections, by adding western food, or satay, but basically .. almost everyone has these listed below (really depends on the setup budget and owner, and customer requests) ..

* Roti Canai (Chennai bread)
* Roti Telur
* Teh Tarik
* Half-Boiled Eggs
* Goat Milk
* Murtabak
* Thosai
* Chapati
* Nasi Kandar
* Nasi Briyani
* Nasi Lemak
* Maggi Goreng
* Mee Goreng (Fried noodles)
* IndoMie Mi Goreng
* Pasembur
* Mamak Rojak
* Sup Kambing
* Sup Ayam
* Roti Tissue
* Roti Bakar
* Roti Bom
* Murtabak
* Roti Naan & Tandoori Chicken
* Poori

.. but these are the usual ones, where all Malaysians would know by heart.

.. pictured above is the holy grail of all drinks being served at a mamak. Aptly named "teh tarik" or "pulled tea" translated. It is strong tea powder, mixed with sweetened condensed milk and evaporated milk, then, "dragged" from one mug to another, in a juggling and acrobatic act that is honed through years of practice, cooling the tea to a perfect temperature that you can drink straight out of, once it arrives at your table. A cup of teh tarik makes or breaks a mamak.

.. i have developed a strange liking for this culture. As a sales person, a mamak is chosen as a regular meeting place. Being operated 24 hours, the hygienes are not in the cleanest state, but acceptable enough not to give you a bad case of food poisoning. Mamaks had been a place where i seal sales deals that amounts to hundreds of thousands, in a very casual way and environment.

.. being in Vietnam for more than a month already, i am dying for a cup of teh tarik and roti canai at times of my sleepless and hungry nights, and early morning breakfasts. I have also lost a venue for business meetings or a place to just hang out and catch up with friends. There is a lot i could leave behind in Malaysia, but the absence of mamak, hits me the worst.

.. mamaks indirectly helped shaped me into what i am today, a place where i get to know friends better and close deals, or just a place to hang out and think. Without mamaks, i probably would not have sealed those few deals, or even land myself a position in the companies that i worked at before.

.. true enough, being a Malaysian, a true Malaysian, the mamak culture is something that you will not ever forget.

.. mamaks is my secret of success in life, and i'll let my stomach decide later even if it does not agree to me that much.

Disclaimer : These are purely my own ramblings, i still support posh places like Starbuck, Coffee Bean or even "Kopi Tiams", but not so as often as Mamak's. They have a much wider network that covers Malaysia, easily accessible with lots of parking spaces available. I was not forced or bribed by any Mamak's in the writing of this post.

.. i want to live !

2008-06-06T11:28:00.002+07:00

with the blood slowly trickling away
i waited for the countdown to end
i waited for the final bell to ring
for the eternal escape

a wretched life i once lived
a life that no one should have
a life that is not my choice

a life that is not my choice
yet i played the lead role in it
a role that was played to perfection from my end

now at a time when the final curtain is very close to being drawn
i want to rewrite the whole story once again

a story that is full of happiness
a story that is so full of joy
a story that i only lived in my dreams

a dream that i want to make a reality
a reality of a dream coming true
a story, once re-enacted
will fulfill my desires
will fulfill my destiny

a story that i so desperately want to write
will now remain uncompleted
the countdown has already begun
the countdown from life to death

with the blood slowly trickling away
and the story still incomplete
and the clock slowly ticking away
i want to live
i want to live, once again
i want to live, once again
to rewrite the story
the story that is my life!

Author - Unknown

.. without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend

2008-06-06T00:08:00.003+07:00

.. how much could you be a friend to anyone? And how would you be able to call anyone your friend? How would you ever draw that line that borders the limitations ?

.. having one friend is too much, two are many, and three is hardly possible. How many of you would actually agree to this? The definition of friends is lost altogether as our commitments grew, and as our age matures. We we're so innocent once in our younger years, everyone is a good friend. We go out in packs, sharing every single thoughts and emotions. But all would be almost lost as we pursue our own interests, chasing dreams and life goals, leaving behind nothing but memories of our younger years, and not friendship that holds strong.

.. having friends is where you be what you are, but how often would you be able to do that once you step into the competitive working "adult" world, in short reality and survival. At one point of your life, the basic survival instincts would take over, causing us to be more selfish, and making friends are only for beneficial means. We wear a mask, for each and every different friend, fitting ourselves into their world, manipulating them for our own gains.

.. a lot might not agree to this, and what i said is purely my own views. I have been meeting people all over the place, and as sales, i really need to get into their heads to maneuver them into profitable gains. To do that, i would have to be someone else, a mask worn without being conscious of it, referring my self as a "friend", totally losing myself, not being able to be what i want to be, or used to be.

.. it has been such a daily routine to me, i do not get much chance to just let go and be myself. There is a few that i am able to share with and open up, but to what extent would they be able to share the same with me ? Where would be the line be drawn by them ?

.. i have been trying to follow a path which leads me to a mental attitude that makes me feel deeply and vitally alive, which i am able to say to myself everyday,

" .. this is the real me."

.. but to what extent?

.. would i be able to stay true to that path,
and still be able to survive the competition?

.. my day out as a tourist in Saigon

2008-06-03T20:19:00.012+07:00

.. well, i walked 7 kilometers yesterday and here are some pictures taken, just like a typical tourist, most of it, you can find through search engines, but i still put it up for those who are lazy.

.. notre dame cathedral, no vietnamese version of the hunchback spotted because the church was not open, had to try on a Sunday. It was built between 1877 and 1883, with two 40 meter towers topped with iron spires, in neo-Romanesque form, red bricks and colored glass windows all imported from France.

.. Saigon Post Office .. a very old post office, built between 1886 and 1891, it has a glass canopy, ceiling fans, and two gargantuan wall maps of "Saigon et Ses Environs". At the very far end of the arched building .. is Uncle Ho Chi Minh. I was held in awe when i walked in, stood right in the middle of the huge entrance and stared, pissing some French tourist who wanted to take a picture .. and i can almost swear Uncle Ho was smirking at my foolishness.

.. The Saigon Opera House or Ho Chi Minh Municipal Theater, the building was originally built by the French to host Opera shows. In 1955 it was transformed into the South Vietnam's Assembly House. After the nation's reunification the building remained unused. Not long ago it was refurbished. It currently hosts vietnamese theatre and traditional music shows. Would definitely go in one day .. well .. once i can understand Vietnamese.

.. one of the many statues scattered all over the city, i took a picture of it, because it was just too tiring for me after 3 kilometers, and i was seated on a bench with some ladies from Vietnam Airlines nearby, trying to communicate with them using sign language, on how to go to Ben Thanh market, i failed miserably, leaving them giggling and me sweating in shame.

.. well, i made my way there, to Ben Thanh market, which was built in 1913, and is the largest market in the city, French-styled of course, with a distinctive clock tower right at its entrance. I turned away immediately, because it was too humid and cramped, and the peddlers would run at you and grab your arm trying to get you to buy. Look at how the girl is dashing towards me ..

.. i walked back to Diamond Plaza, sat down at a coffee shop of Starbuck equivalent, aptly named Higlands coffee under a canopy shading me from the hot sun, just watching people and time past. The heat became unbearable, and just so happen, Narnia premiered, with Prince Caspian's poster staring right down at me from a huge cylindrical billboard next to the coffee shop.

.. with the tickets bought, i strut into the cinema guided by someone with a torch light, with the movie already started for 5 minutes, found my seat, and muttered "SHIT" so loud almost everyone could hear me. I bought the wrong tickets !! It was the dubbed Vietnamese version, with only a single female voice for all characters. How much more awkward could it be !!?? Good thing they let me change the ticket into the English version which was shown later.

.. i ended the day, tracking my journey on a virtual map on my phone, which came to a count of 7.3 kilometers walked. There is still a lot to be explored, and a lot more landmarks to visit .. the tunnels (you get to fire AK47's and M16's !!), the Mekong delta, temples .. and all this is in Saigon, there is still Hue (central Vietnam) .. and also not to forget a promise i made in one of my earlier posts .. Ha Long Bay.

.. love song

2008-05-31T00:23:00.002+07:00

To love a person is to learn the song
.. that is in their heart,
And to sing it to them
.. when they have forgotten.

To love a person is to learn the song
.. that they hum along to,
And sing it to them
.. when they falter in their steps.

To love a person is to learn the song
.. that they snap their fingers to,
And sing it to them
.. when they lost their way in the dark.

To love a person is to learn the song
.. that they would sing to you too
A duet, of a song for love
.. that both would remember to eternity

~end~

.. kian

.. a room with a view

2008-05-30T21:34:00.004+07:00

.. finally, my third official day in Saigon, and hopefully the unsecured Wifi network i am on, lets me finish writing this blog and publish it. It has been a hectic three days, a lot of purchases and cleaning done. Had slight difficulty, or rather loses, from my purchases, as i took advantage of the free delivery, of course on a bike. First, i lost my dustpan, which only had the stick delivered whereas the pan was no where to be seen. Second, i lost 4 boxes of tissues (which had really nice embosses on it !).

.. all these plastic bags, with plates and cups, bottles, detergents .. a lot of stuffs, was sent by an uncle, on a bike, delivered to my doorstep high up on an apartment which visitors had to pay 1000 dongs everytime you use the lift. It was a miracle, nothing broke, only my dustpan reaching without its pan.

.. the first picture above was taken from my room on the very first morning in Saigon. I did not even notice the existence of the bamboo and plants earlier, as i was too tired after cleaning my room ( the floor had to be mopped 3 times before i could walk on it bare foot without getting my feet dirty). It was such a suprise to me, to have such nice view, i really thought i was still dreaming, because there is no way bamboo could've grown more than 5 storeys high !

.. i was reluctant to wake up, being afraid that small window would all just fade into oblivion leaving behind a view of a bustling and smog filled Saigon City Center accompanied by the honks and beeps of traffic .. but somehow .. these sounds are already there ?!

.. reality struck hard, i have indeed woke up, but still fazed and surprised by the plants. Without delay, i reached for my phone and took the picture to record that moment before the effect is gone. What you see, is exactly what i have seen when i wake up on my first morning staying in a new place,

.. a warm welcome and and a very good morning.

.. there is still a few more items that needs to be purchased, which i should be able to sort out by this weekend, and by then, i would be able to call this home. I have even cooked my first meal today after being out the whole day shopping alone, a delicious fusion of Vietnamese and Italian which i created. Spaghetti lashed with olive oil with finely chopped onion stalks wrapped in omelet mixed with fresh taugeh and ham and sprinkled with the miraculous Vietnamese pepper mixed with salt and lemon which i had grown a liking to.

.. mmm, more experiments to come throughout my stay as i start exploring Vietnamese cuisine.

.. more updates to come once i get a proper internet connection. By then i would try to revamp my blog slowly. Would be looking forward to this weekend as well, as i would finally be able to go out and meet two newly made friends. Time to just kick back and relax this weekend, and start work on Monday, which would at the same time be my official exploration of Saigon as well.

.. good night, would provide views of District 1's (heart of Saigon)skyline next, from my balcony if i am able to get a good shot from my phone.

.. anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry to the right person, to a right degree, at a right time and right way .. it is not easy

2008-05-27T22:52:00.008+07:00

.. this might probably be my last post for while. To my horror, i realized i do not have an internet connection where i am going, unless there is free wifi networks to hitch a ride on. I doubt there would be on the 7th floor (lol, yes, 7 again, a significant and important number in my life), too high up to find a network from a nearby cafe.

.. this post would probably cap up the earlier two post i have, the good thing is, i made a trilogy in 2 days .. rather than having to wait 3 years for star wars or lord of the rings. I have no plans of making a seven part like chronicles of narnia or harry potter. There is too much of negativity being written down, i am putting myself into misery with every word i pen down.

.. the past 3 months had been a whirlwind of a journey to me. I was bombarded with a whirlwind of emotions that had left me wounded so badly i do not think it would ever heal. As usual, as typical as human could be, one single emotion would just manifest itself and overcome the others. To be where i am right now, in Vietnam, blogging intensively for the past month, i have analyzed and thought things over so many time already. Angst, can only be channeled to my thoughts and penned down here, but not to anyone else.

.. holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harms we do, we do to ourselves.

.. how often would you find yourself cursing and swearing against actions you have done, often putting yourself in a state of misery so bad, you feel that everything around you is against you. The world would be so fucked up to you, that you feel totally useless, and distraught. It would often lead to decisions that you would never imagined yourself doing. Saying things that you would not even dream of saying .. but you still went ahead without much realizing it.

.. that is how true that statement in my title would be. Often, angst would lead to things unimaginable. Angst and hatred is not easy to control. It manifests itself in many ways, often creeping up to you in the least expected moment when you thought you have got over it. Things are not always what it seems .. 3 months, 8 months .. it always comes back to haunt you.

.. people might call it moving on, or starting a new chapter .. but in actuality, would it ever happen ?

.. forget and forgive ? Is it possible ?

.. anger is a killing thing, every time it happens, the rage that boils would take something out of you, leaving you less than what you had been before. Many had been through this before, and i have my own stories to tell, but i have caused hurt so much, and being hurt even more, i am less and less prone to letting angst take over my emotions.

.. what is done is done, leaving scars and wounds, and emotions that would never heal. Why should we let these marks take much more from us, than what we have already lost?

.. it lies within each and every of us, letting go is not easy when depression and misery leaves you lost in an oblivion, but all this are manifestations of our emotions. It happens within you, and no one would ever be able to control or manipulate them .. let reality dissolve and settle in you, carrying on is very easy to do irregardless how wounded one is. No one should ever swim in swirl of emotions hard to control, making you say or do things that is unimaginable and might cause hurt to another.

.. it is not easy to have control over what will ever happen,

.. but you have control over what had happened.

.. it is a matter of believing,

.. and let anger be something that you keep to yourself,

.. and the world would definitely be slightly nicer to live in,

.. with one less angry person.

( .. good night all, and thanks to that someone who had shared a lot with me for the past 2 nights, it was a huge relief for me to have finally completed my trilogy, and look forward to my trip to Saigon. Probably this is a result for one month of contained thoughts that i could not share with anyone since the Vietnamese could not understand me, irregardless how hard i tried .. eg, can someone tell me how to describe "gays" to a Vietnamese in sign language without being rude ?? )

~ end ~

Disclaimer : All names had been withheld from my posts to protect the identity of the person in real life, if they do exist. No portions of my posts should be duplicated anywhere, at least let me know so i would not get angry if i see it. No animals or 40 year old aunties were hurt in the process of writing this, they had been very very helpful. If my last post (the one above) happens to annoy or upset anyone, please, keep that anger to yourself. Trust me, it is nice, warm and fuzzy .. to be happy.

.. freedom is nothing else, but a chance to be better.

2008-05-27T17:21:00.004+07:00

.. this probably would be my final post in Hanoi (maybe another later tonight if i finish packing early), before i leave to Saigon, opening new doors that leads me to a new chapter of my new life. Preparations are made, way before my move, as i am already in Vietnam for one month, and been traveling to and fro between Saigon and Hanoi to for meetings and prepare for our new office. For the past month, i had been given a crash course on the business culture and laws of Vietnam, which i deem might not be enough. I foresee more hiccups once i am unleashed in Saigon.

.. i am glad and grateful for all the new friends i had made during this short period of time. At least, i know, beyond the door that i would step through tomorrow, there would be people welcoming me. Names of course would not be mentioned here to protect their true identity, but to each and every one of you, i would like to apologize way in advance, because i know i would be pestering you a lot.

.. like i have said in my earlier post, freedom is not a word i would use that eagerly, there would never be a chance, throughout my entire walking life that i would claim myself to be free. I am only free when i dream. There is so much contradiction in my life, and i think as for anyone else as well. It really depends on our perspective on what makes everything tick. Often, this perspective has pulled me down into the unknown abyss for decisions and risks taken.

.. freedom is nothing else, but a chance to be better. I think, that is a much better way for me to define it. It might be different for you .. freedom could mean unlimited spending cash, or a vacation, or not having to work .. endless, everyone looks at it in a different way.

.. a newly made friend of mine has put it in a nice way, her definition draws near to my personal definition ( .. thanks! .. like you said, i think we're gonna be friends for a long time),

"Freedom is the ability to express in every form without barriers or borders and across distance .. "

.. in short, we would never define freedom in such way that it is agreeable to everyone. Having a definition, would usually be marred by something superficial and temporary. Freedom .. the ability to express in every form .. often in ways that pleases the mind, but why not in a way as a chance to be better. I am not expecting much reply from readers, but if you strongly believe how you want your freedom, i would want to hear it. Drop me a mail friends.

.. with me stepping through this doorway to Saigon, i am sure it would open up to many other doors, leaving surprises which would entitle me to more exploration of my thoughts and life. As you all can see, from my earlier entry and this one, i am slipping away from the mainstream blogging, to have more personalized content. Blogging has became a way of expressing my freedom, without barriers or borders.

.. chances are hard to come by, and that is harsh reality, and often it comes as a blessing. Always, we give it a miss, but what difference would a chance make to your life if there is no risks involved, even if it means starting all over again.

.. freedom is even harder to define, but if it gives you a temporary pocket of safety, why not?

.. it is never wrong to dream and be free.

.. if i fall asleep with a pen in my hand, please do not remove it, i might be writing in my dreams

2008-05-26T17:06:00.002+07:00

.. ahh, yes, a passion of mine left unexplored for quite some time, i used to love writing a lot. Often, combining my poems with illustrations of own and printing it out on those nice glossy paper. I have left it aside for quite some time, as work and normal daily routines has taken precedence.

.. with the start of a new life in Vietnam, i guess it is due time i explore what i enjoy doing most again. I hate to be controlled by majority, when i have to be adapt myself to others. True enough, it is a give and take situation, but my main concern, how much would others adapt their likings to me ?

.. how often would you find a guy who enjoys and talk about writing, cooking, movie appreciation (a lot of my friends can't even remember Shawshank Redemption), listen to Pulp, Suede .. etc etc .. they only talk about girls, cars, gadgets .. endless list of totally unproductive and uninformative conversation pieces (i'm sorry to my close friends who reads this, but since i am in Vietnam now, unless you all come over to give me a smack on the head, i am still in, all ways a friend, and you know by any means we would always have something to talk about which interests me, what i've said are written in general.)

.. my only resort, is to have my thoughts here on my blog. Sometimes, contents i have here might look and sound like crap, but those are just my thoughts. I don't spend a lot of time planning the whole content out. I just write as i please. This piece i am writing now, only took 10 minutes up till this point.

.. i have plans to have a major re vamp on my blog, adding more personalized graphics inside, which would really reflect my mood and what i visualize in my dreams and thoughts everyday.

.. i guess, i am going to have pleasurable time for my new life in Vietnam. Friends are being made everyday and soon enough i would finally have freedom given to me thoroughly once i move to Saigon. Freedom is not a word i would eagerly use, as i have not have this feeling for a very long time already. Decisions, actions, and basically everything else that i have done so far, has external factors influencing it. For once in my life, i feel the heavy shroud blackness that had been blocking my true self clears away.

.. this would be the very first confession i have made since i come over to Vietnam. No offense to my ex, i've enjoyed every single moment i spent with you for the past five years. I was distraught when our separation happened, but for reasons only both of us know, it is for the greater good. When i said freedom is finally mine, it is not because you had withheld my dreams, you were once part of it, and i have all freedom when i was with you. My life had always been great with you, and the freedom i have now, is freedom to explore more of my personal interests and pursue of my dreams.

.. i wish all the best to your personal interests as well and i do wish we remain as close as we were earlier. I hope you understand my trip to Vietnam is solely for career advancements and the decision was made not because of our separation (well, maybe a small portion, cause i don't have commitments now except to my family), but don't take it too badly. I am sorry, if in any way, i have left you distraught, it is a mistake for me to solely bear responsibility of.

.. i guess that would be enough said before i put myself in misery again. I have finally got over my fear of facing reality with what i have said above, and i do wish the same for you too.

.. a new chapter has begun in my life

.. a new story awaits to be written down

.. back

2008-05-23T22:40:00.003+07:00

.. it was a crazy trip to Saigon, and from it, i had much stronger determination to learn Vietnamese now. Though most people i see does not require me to speak english that much, i realized i would have major difficulties with the taxi drivers, since they are going to be my main method of transportation soon.

.. visitors to Vietnam, beware !! These taxi drivers, young or old, even though they drive with the meter, they would figure out ways of increasing the fare. One lesson is more than enough for me, which ended up in an argument by the roadside between me and the taxi driver at a busy junction.

.. I asked to be sent to Saigon's Chinatown, of which i have already located on a virtual map on my phone. Fare would be at max 40,000 Dongs, but somehow, he took me for a round trip around District 5 (where Chinatown is), which ended up me having a fare of 135,000 Dongs. The building which i was headed to was within sight all the time .. on my left side to me precise (Vietnam is left hand drive, and i think the driver has all intention of hiding that building from my sight), i queried him, and he said he wanted to send me to the building front cause we're on a one way street .. OK !! Fine !! .. when he stopped, i refused to pay him the full amount, and we started arguing .. @#*&%$!@, to cut long story short .. in the end i halved it.

.. that really shows that these taxi drivers prey on tourists and expats alone, knowing we have cash, and no knowledge of their streets and language. You would never never get lost in the main cities, the whole city is laid out like a checker board, and the whole stretch, from top to bottom, is one street name, with premises having odds numbers on on side, and even numbers on the other. These taxi drivers understand the checkered maze well enough, they will go round and round .. instead of a straight line which would definitely get you to your destination faster at much lower costs.

.. more updates soon enough, i am just too tired to continue with anything, it has been a hectic two days, with lots of appointment and very little sleep. My journey back to Hanoi was unpleasant as well because some Korean mother left her 5 year old kid running all over the plane, which in the end, that kid emptied his in flight meal of rice, soya chicken stew, vegetables, red bean pudding and coke, spewing forth every thing in such glory it would look like as if it is a scene from Poltergeist, leaving that poor chap right next to him covered with samples of food.

.. it happened 3 feet away from me, leaving a stench so unbearable i had to leave my seat and go disturb the gorgeous air hostess ( .. wink wink) for the remaining 40 minutes of my flight.

.. good night all.

.. away, again

2008-05-21T21:28:00.002+07:00

.. i will be flying off to Saigon again tomorrow for a few appointments scheduled over 2 days alone. So expect a huge update on Saturday, hopefully, if i can finish everything and come back by Friday night. Looks like my plans of visiting Ha Long Bay this weekend can be flushed down the drain.

.. next time "dragons", i promise i will visit you .. next time ..

.. go on sleeping

.. random pictures

2008-05-19T09:50:00.007+07:00

.. well, below are some random pictures taken

.. finally got a shot of the 16 feet ladder which i missed from my earlier air conditioning series, can't even fit the whole thing into a single frame, had to take it in 2 pictures. Wet morning in Saigon amidst heavy traffic.

.. look at the electricity cables !! WTF ! .. and these are considered one of the neater ones, still waiting for the picture moment to show you all how they sort out the cables, a guy would be within that web of danger with a cutter without safety harnesess.

.. a typical vietnamese restaurant, everyone still squats, probably the Vietnamese had figured out a way to aid indigestion. More of these "squatter" shots coming at you.

.. i seriously do not know how to call these critters, but i think they are unclean softshell crabs. It was being sold in a hyper market called "Big C", which is GIANT/TESCO in Malaysia. They are still alive, but somehow drugged and trained to stay within the confines of that white container.

.. the first ever cantonese speaking vietnamese i met !! For the first time ever at all in Vietnam i ordered my own food, which is a bowl of wanton mee, ahahaaha. He was shy, so i could not get a frontal shot.. lol.

.. when we two parted

2008-05-16T14:01:00.000+07:00

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow—
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me—
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well—
Long, long shall I rue thee,
To deeply to tell.

In secret we met—
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?—
With silence and tears.

George Gordon, Lord Byron (1788–1824)

.. 3 days in Saigon

2008-05-16T13:15:00.002+07:00

.. ahh, glad to be back in Hanoi after that short and hectic trip to Saigon. We accomplished so much within that short period of time. I don't even have enough time to take enough pictures or videos to share here. Still sorting out whatever pictures or videos taken there, deciding on which would be "appropriate" to be posted here, it would have to wait a bit.

.. closed a project in Saigon, which definitely would ensure i have enough to keep me occupied once i move there in June, yes, we have found a place there which would double up as our office as well. F#*%king expensive unit considering the facilities provided. Location was very good though, i am just barely 2 kilometers away from the heart of Saigon, district 1, where most action and businesses are concentrated. District 1 also has something similar to what we have back home, Jalan Bukit Bintang, a lot of designer items and apparels being sold amidst high quality fake goods.

.. for those who had followed my post, you would have realized that i had spent less than 2 weeks in Vietnam. Many would be curious, how the heck i would be able to survive if i move to Saigon, with no one to guide me !!?? I am in a country with very weird laws, and also a language that i am not able to comprehend, and now with less than 2 weeks of orientation, i am moving to Saigon already ? Alone ?

.. Saigon is the business capital of Vietnam, which attracts a lot of tourists. At the same time, it has expanded so much for the past 10 years, it now has a total of 12 districts (correct me if i'm wrong). The population and development is so rapid and dense that every single piece of land is squeezed dry of space. I was pleasantly surprised that almost half of its population speaks Cantonese. I finally ordered my first meal in Vietnam without help ! One bowl of wanton mee please (cantonese).. ahh .. bliss !

.. also, i have made enough friends within that short period of time, to ensure i have company upon my arrival. I have even made promises to play tennis weekly with these newly made friends (one problem though, i don't know how to play tennis). Saigon is filled with expatriates, and it is very easy to fit in. They form an unofficial yet closely knit society, which helps each another out in times of need. I guess, i would blend in just as easily. It would not be an adventure without the challenge right?

.. expect more to come as i sort out my life slowly in Vietnam. Adaptation is not an easy task, and learning a new language is way to much of a behemoth task for me to do in 2 weeks. I would definitely include more pictures and videos once i settle down, in the meantime, i am preparing for my move to Saigon, a lot of items needs to be furnished into the apartment.

.. a new life, a different ending.

.. cows ride ?

2008-05-11T14:51:00.010+07:00

.. well, here are more random pictures taken, feast your eyes on the three below, i have not taken these, but they were snapped in Vietnam by fellow expatriates alike which i just grabbed from facebook.

.. no comments needed, picture says it all, even with dried grass for the journey, but i do think the poor thing is dead.

.. snakes on a plane, and now dogs on a bike, don't think he would even need his bike horns to navigate through traffic

.. all i could say is .. WTF, full queen sized bed !!

Below a few more taken by me yesterday, sigh, its just endless on what they could actually carry on a bike. Must be a very hot Saturday, because its just not this 2 bikes, but i have seen a few more, one actually carried 2 full sets of air conditioning with compressor.

.. look guys .. no straps or ropes, just my two fingers balancing it. Imagine the confusion it would cause it that falls !!

.. and this guy seems to be more careful about it, but do count the boxes, and see how much space is left for his balls on the seat.

.. well, with all the wire and piping works for air conditioning, you would definitely need someone for the patching up works right ? .. now i need a picture of a 12 feet ladder on a bike to complete the series.

.. again, a picture is word a thousand words right ? Everyone is buying air conditioning, it has even left this guy enough time to give me a nice pose.

.. one week in Hanoi

2008-05-09T09:59:00.002+07:00

.. i had spent almost one week in Hanoi now, and yet i am learning or experiencing something new every day. Information and experiences is shoved right at my face without mercy. I would never label this as culture shock, because everything is almost similar to what we have back home. There are little things that might be different, but not so much of a shock that i would have difficulty adapting to.

.. for those who had followed my posts for the past week, you would have noticed that i highlighted a lot on their traffic antiquities. I have not even started on local food, local culture and practices, or as requested by a lot of my friends, local ladies. There is still much for me to go through, and Hanoi is only a stepping stone for me before i move to Saigon(now it is Ho Chi Minh City, locals would still fondly refer to it as Saigon).

.. Saigon would be my operation base in Vietnam. That would be my second home, and where i would start a new life. At this moment, i have no pangs of guilt for making the decision to come over. I have left a lot behind, and again, to those that i did not get the chance to meet before i leave, sorry, i would make it up to you once i am back. I am shown a pathway that i know opens up to a much better career opportunity, and deep inside, i know this is the route i must thread.

.. i am leaving for Saigon on Monday for a few business appointments and hopefully at the same time secure my apartment/office unit. Saigon is about 2 hours flight from Hanoi, and surprisingly only one hour from KL. Saigon is a much more "commercialized", much more like the hustle and bustle of KL. In fact the weather is also hot and humid like KL. If i am not wrong, currently, it is the raining season there. I am told that Saigon would not be much different from Hanoi in spite of population and size different. I would still experience the same food, the same traffic, the same culture, and .. etc ~wink wink~, please guys, stop asking me about the ladies.

.. i have a lot of respect for them, on how they were "trained" from young, to behave like what they do now. Please refer to my earlier post for a full description of this culture. They are friendly, they smile meekly at you from their very refined faces, revealing dimples that would stop me dead in my tracks every time, portraying gentleness in their every move amidst a sea of endless fair complexion. In short, simple yet refined.

.. i am not in any way condemning anyone, but my friends, those that are "easy" on you, most of the time they are out for your money. Just be cautious. As a communist country, Vietnam is well known for its prostitution, and the government is doing all they can to curb this. Not everyone behaves the same though, and in fact for this one week i am in Hanoi, i have seen drop dead gorgeous and sexy promoter girls that will warm up to you in no time, but yet drawing a thin fine yet strong line that tells you when you need to stop. Professionals at work, hats off and a bow and salutations to you all !

.. enough of that, i am sure if i go on, that would leave everyone asking for more. Seriously, if you guys want pictures, go to a porn site, that would reveal much more. I would have pictures of ladies coming up soon, but more to highlight their natural beauty, which will forever hold me in awe.

.. i might not be able to post as often when i am traveling, but i think that gives me more time to compile and organize what i want to have documented in this blog once i am back. Friends who visit me on this blog, do tell me what you want to see, or read, and i would try my best to accommodate it. The comments section is made available for all .. and please make use of it. Till then, see you all soon in my next update.

.. vietnamese ladies, a brief introduction

2008-05-08T12:10:00.002+07:00

.. these excerpts, i have taken from www.vietnamese-culture.com, it tells the culture, and how local ladies are bred. I find it very interesting, and not in any way discriminating at all, on how they are so tied to traditions. For those who hate to read, please skip this. This is literature and history, but if you all read back my very first post, i like literature and poems a lot ..

The Vietnamese Girl in Popular Poems

The Vietnamese girl never complaints about the condition and the role a Confucian society has assigned to her since the dawn of time. From her young age, being used to hearing popular poems incessantly sung by her mother or sister and continuing to grow up with the rhythm and the sound of the swinging hammock, she began to absorb unconsciously the recommendations found in these poems.
In spite of their simplicity, these poems began to give her not only an education worthy of Vietnamese tradition but also an incomparable resignation and the four virtues that any Vietnamese girl is deemed of possessing at her adolescence: Công, Dung, Ngôn, Hạnh (Homemaking Skills, Appearance, Speech Manners, Good Behavior). This will help her to be able to become in turn, sister, wife, mother, grand-mother during her existence. Therefore, it is not surprising to see that she has thus become one of the themes most talked about in Vietnamese popular poems.

Despite her young age, her mother's labor and wisdom have been repeated to her time and again through nursery rhymes the most known of which remains the following:

Cái ngủ mầy ngủ cho lâu,
Mẹ mầy đi cấy đồng sâu chưa về.
Bắt được con cá rô trê
Tròng cổ lôi về cho cái ngủ ăn.

Little sleeper, you have to sleep as long as possible,
Your mother has not come back from the deep rice paddy replanting seedlings.
She caught a carp and a cat fish
That she will take home for you to eat.

Then at 7-8 years of age, she began to replace her mother and imitate her in singing again the same popular nursery rhymes to lull her younger brother or sister to sleep. She also provided much service to her family: knowing how to cook rice, keeping her younger siblings, feeding the pigs and the ducks, taking water to the family animals, weeding the garden, collecting eggs, participating in family chores.

She also saw the change in the nature of her work when she reached adolescence. The nursery rhymes were replaced by folk songs or popular poems she used to hear singing often in the rice field. It is here that she would know the boys of her age. It is here that we would hear the first revelations of love, the first teasing of the Vietnamese girl through poems or folk songs. Among them, this one reveals and hides the blossoming heart of the Vietnamese girl who is shy, tender, and constrained by traditionally Confucian conditions.

Vào vườn hái quả cau xanh,
Bổ ra làm sáu mời anh xơi trầu
Trầu nầy têm những vôi tàu
Giữa đêm cắt cánh đôi đầu quế cay
Mời anh xơi miếng trầu nầy,
Dù mặn dù nhạt dù cay dù nồng
Dù chẳng nên vợ nên chồng,
Xơi dăm ba miếng cho lòng nhớ thương,

I enter the garden to pick a green betel-nut,
I cut it in six and invite you to taste this betel.
This one is spread with lime from China,
And flavored with the spice of the spice of cinnamon ends.
Please have this betel prepared by me,
Even if it is strong or light, hot or mild,
Or even if we do not become man and wife,
Just taste its flavor for you to remember.

That teasing is quick to find sympathy from the boys. To praise her beauty, these boys would not hesitate to offer not only one but ten loves at the same time, which ended up in the composition of this famous poem entitled "Mười Thương" (Ten Loves) that any young men in the old days would be deemed to know by heart:

Một thương tóc bỏ đuôi gà,
Hai thương ăn nói mặn mà có duyên,
Ba thương má lúm đồng tiền,
Bốn thương răng nhánh hạt huyền kém thua,
Năm thương dải yếm đeo bùa,
Sáu thương nón thượng quai tua dịu dàng,
Bảy thương ăn nói khôn ngoan,
Tám thương má phấn ngó càng thêm xinh,
Chín thương em ở một mình,
Muời thương con mắt đưa tình với ai!

First I love your plaited hair,
Second I love your suave and charming voice.
My next love is your dimpled cheeks,
Then your lacquered teeth more lustrous than jet is my fourth love.
Fifth, I love your bra and your necklace.
And your grand hat with velvet ribbon invites my sixth love.
My seventh love is your manner in speech,
Comes my eighth love of the makeup on your attractive cheeks.
Ninth, I love you because you are still single.
And finally tenth, because you reciprocate my loving glance.

The seductiveness of the girl only lasted for a short time because generally for the sake of socio-economic interests, she would be married very early. Many times in the past, there were financially pre-arranged marriages, which provoked criticisms and jokes through the following popular poem:

Mẹ em tham thúng xôi rền,
Tham con lợn béo, tham tiền Cảnh Hưng,
Em đã bảo mẹ rặng: đừng !
Mẹ hấm, mẹ hứ, mẹ bưng ngay vào,
Bây giờ chồng thấp vợ cao,
Như đôi đũa lệch so sao cho vừa.

Even when I had said: No
But my mother, fond of the sweet rice bucket,
Fond of the fat pig and fond of money.
With uhms and ahhs, she brought this guy in.
Now husband little, and wife tall,
We look like an unmatched pair of chopsticks after all.

Despite this remark, she accepted to become a member of the new family and be willingly submissive to all the Confucian constraints commonly seen in the Vietnamese society. She tried to meet the norms expected of her in the new family by following steadfastly the recommendations found in popular songs that she used to hear time and time again when she was still in cradle. In one of these songs, the following is found:

Con ơi! Mẹ bảo con nầy:
Học buôn học bán cho tày ngưòi ta,
Con đừng học thói chua ngoa,
Họ hàng ghét bỏ người ta chê cười.

My daughter! Listen to me,
Learn to wheel and deal as well as other people.
But try to avoid being sharp-tongued,
As this invites hate and sneer from friends and relatives.

Those are the last recommendations of her mother transmitted from one generation to the next through folk songs. The Vietnamese girl tends to keep them and apply them without failure until the end of her life. The Vietnamese woman accepts this resignation, this sacrifice, this injustice without reserve, which makes her an exemplary model worthy of admiration of her relatives, in particular her children. This is also one of the reasons that explains the profound and unshakable attachment of all Vietnamese to their mothers. The situation is illustrated by the following two verses found in one of the popular poems:

Em bán đi trả nợ chồng con,
Còn ăn hết nhịn cho hả lòng chồng con!

I do business to pay the debts incurred by my husband and my children.
It doesn't matter if I have nothing to eat, as long as they are satisfied.

Or in another, the following four verses depict not only humor but also tenderness, outstanding patience, even intangible proof of the sacrifice and love the Vietnamese woman always carries for her husband and her children:

Chồng giận thì vợ làm lành,
Miệng cười hớn hở rằng anh giận gì.
Thưa anh, anh giận em chi,
Muốn lấy vợ lẽ em thì lấy cho.

My husband is upset; I would try to calm myself.
Smile on my lips, I would ask what the reason is.
Come on, don't be frustrated any more.
Should you want a concubine, I'll get one for you.

.. the horror of Hanoi's traffic

2008-05-07T20:42:00.003+07:00

.. ahh, finally got a nicer shot on the perfect navigation and anti collision traffic system in Vietnam .. enjoy! I caught this on my way back today, and do pardon the jerkiness again. Notice how we dive across a very very busy cross junction during peak hour, and with bikes and cars alike dashing across, sideways, and behind us. We made it through, without a single scratch. Next chance i have, i'm gonna tear a bike apart to see whether there is some kind of high end anti collision system inside .. or perhaps, the secret lies in their helmet .. i do notice that everyone wears the turle shell type of crash helmets .. but our driver is not wearing one, how is this explainable ??

.. i think, and i do seriously mean so, that the secret lies in the horns. The horns acts like a bats ultra sonic system, sending ultra sonic waves to objects and then calculates the distance and size. Vietnamese drivers had evolved in such way that their brain is attuned to processing the horns like a bat, and reacting, channeling this inhuman energy to their vehicle. Soon enough, i am going to learn their secret and drive like them. Imagine me .. going across a busy traffic junction in KL on a Monday morning .. hehehe ..

No wonder, Vietnam is called "The cradle of mankind", it all begins here, and i am glad i am here where it all started ..

.. more bikes !

2008-05-07T13:34:00.004+07:00

.. these 2 videos i have taken on my way to work earlier this morning. I am not that sure of the quality viewed on a PC though, as up till this moment i'm still not able to view my own blog. I am not that sure about the sound quality as well, cause i seriously did not have to chance to try it out, uploading straight from my phone.

.. notice how the bikes are everywhere coming at you from all direction, as well as the frequency of beeps and honks. I wonder .. how would a local survive Malaysian roads, if he does what he does when he rides, he'll be chased down and beaten up! One thing i am sure though, local drivers put Malaysian bikers to shame, they have much godly skills navigating and slipping in and out, and not to forget against traffic, without much of causing hurt nor scratches to each another.

.. bikes everywhere !!

2008-05-06T14:38:00.007+07:00

.. look at this, the nightmare i have to go through every morning, afternoon, or even night to get to work. They are so skilled bikers, and have this nagivational system that would avoid all obstacles in their way. The bike nearest to me, look at the handle .. i could reach out and pull an arm hair out of his hands !

.. and check out what the auntie, woo .. amazing balancing act, the first lady driver i've seen carrying this much.

.. and this guy made me laugh in the car, having my director doubting i am still drunk, pimped out bike with nitro boosters .. LOL

.. ahh, a picture tells a thousand words. This was taken this morning as well, that guy was first sms'ing, then received a call, and all this while navigating morning rush hour amongst trucks, lorries, cars .. in the background, that is hawker food in Vietnam, everyone squats or is seated in very low chairs to have drinks or food served to them, right next to the busy main road.

.. not sure what to say of this, but the locals here seemed to be able to balance anything on 2 wheels. I missed a picture where they were carrying those 8 feet long zincs for your roof on a modified 2 wheel bicycle. This lady has all sort of brooms, mops, feather dusters, brushes and etc, attached to her bicycle, putting those sundry stores we have in KL to shame. She has everything possible for you to clean a 3 story bunglow, plus the windows, and of course except a ladder which probably is being carried by someone else behind ...

.. till then, i'll keep you visitors entertained with more to come .. cyas

.. is it safe to blog in Vietnam ?

2008-05-06T11:19:00.003+07:00

.. only today i figured out on why i could not access my own blog, but still able to publish. Vietnam is blocking access to a majority of free to use blog sites like blogspot and typepad. I am in doubt now, is it safe for me to continue blogging ? Would pictures i put up be controversial enough to land me in trouble ? I am a visitor to a different country, and i didn't realize that such restrictions exists. Dear friends .. please comment ...

.. good morning Vietnam !

2008-05-05T17:28:00.000+07:00

.. ahh, my very first morning in Hanoi. Rainy and very cold. I woke up to the sound of motorbikes honking as early as 5 in the morning. I have been trying to snap pictures everywhere i go, in fact been snapping away since my arrival yesterday, but had to do it in such inconspicuous way because i am with my director all the time and want to make myself look like a kampung boy.

.. arriving in Hanoi, was such a culture shock to me that i would not be able to describe and depict everything in this one single post. I don't even know where to start! Guess i'll just put it up in sequence as i experience it .. and do pardon me if the images are not clear, all taken from my trusty phone and shaky hands (also moving vehicles, thats where the most action happen !

.. my arrival in airport, while waiting patiently for my luggage, which finally arrived after 40 minutes, i spot this pack of airport officials queuing up to get out of customs, Vietnamese ladies in their traditional costume, and boy oh boy, salute to the person who had first designed it! Body hugging, and the side slits cut up so high which i think reaches their belly. More of this to come once i get pictures of vietnamese nightlife .. lets move on to my first morning which was really filled with horror during my ride to the office ..

.. as everyone would have heard now, Vietnam is well feared for its traffic. Thousands and thousands of bikes flock the streets, which was really chaotic to me. I've taken this in the morning rush hour today from the car i was in. These bikes we're everywhere, coming at you from all directions, yes even riding up head on towards you, on your lane, and avoiding you at the very last moment. They are even on the pavements !!

.. they have this holy grail of navigation system that i think i would have a lot of difficulties adapting to, even with such chaos, no accidents seemed to ever happen. With their thumbs positioned on the horn, car drivers and bikers alike, just went honkers .. peeet peet, pon ponnk, peet peeeet .. 18 hours a day. They honk you if you're blocking their way, they honk you if you're too slow, they honk you if they wanna change lanes .. they honk at everything !! It was hell trying to cross the roads, but to the locals, it was so easy. They just walked into traffic, step by step, ignoring all bikes around them, and somehow they will survive .. I've even seen one auntie walking diagonally across a very very busy cross junction while juggling a huge basket on her head while sending sms on her phone ... WTF !! I'm sure they would pawn the game Frogger.

.. and look at this, they can carry anything on their bike, everything .. and i think i am gonna start a compilation of pictures just on this alone once i capture enough. I've seen chicken, pigs, tables, air conditioner, eggs (a lot of eggs), chairs .. practically anything that the bike is able to support the weight. Skills beyond imagination, through the hectic and chaotic traffic!

.. i'll have to stop this now, given the short period of time i have in writing this. There is still so much to be shown, yet so little time to put it up. I have not even started on their food, hawker food, their peddlers, .. a lot of other stuffs which i don't think i would have enough time to put it up each day as i experience it. Do check this space again, i would indefinitely keep it updated whenever i have chance and internet connection.

.. ciao

.. goodbye malaysia, Chao Anh(hullo) Vietnam !!

2008-05-03T23:46:00.000+07:00

.. this would probably be my last post in Malaysia, i would be leaving Malaysian soil in a few hours, to be in Vietnam as an expatriate. I would definitely be back for my vacation, but i would not know when. This would probably the first time i would be writing this in this manner and tone, not like my previous posts. I feel excited about my trip, but at the same time, in great misery because i would be leaving a country i grew up in, and of course those who are dear to me.

.. I am very sorry to those whom i cannot see within my short 3 weeks of decision and preparation to leave the country. There is just too many too meet and too little time to do so. I promise, for my home trips you will see me. Check out this blog for updates on my schedules (just hoping really badly that i have proper Internet connection there).

.. this would be my very first time leaving the country, in such a drastic and sudden move, that i think would leave many baffled. I have left home before to work in other states in Malaysia for short stints, furthest would be a period of six months in Sabah, but those will not compare to the feelings i have for the "home" i'll be leaving behind now. Many would question why such decision is made, in such short period of time (those who knew the reason, i really appreciate your support as a friend, thank you !!), but to those does not know, think of this as a great opportunity for me to further my career.

.. would like to take this chance to document my appreciation and gratitude to a friend who had hosted me for the past three weeks. I would definitely repay you in kindness of same and even more when i see you in Vietnam after i have settled down in Ho Chi Minh. I take your statement of coming over seriously, and i await the day i have to wait for you in the airport and become your guide and translator around Vietnam. Of course i will not forget those i had dinner with, thank you for turning up and create sweet memories for me, every single one of those i know, is more than welcome to visit me. Do please "ta pao" roti canai for me when you come over ok ..!

.. i would not want to end this post in such a way that it seems that i will not be coming back to Malaysia again .. ever. This post might just sound so monotonous to everyone, but this would be the only place i could document and express my thoughts. This blog would be my window to my friends .. load this space up, and you would have glimpses of my life with Vietnam. I promise, it will be filled with pictures on your next visit, now that i have my own laptop and have more control on what i can store in my harddrive.

.. wish me luck and godspeed everyone, and i shall serve Vietnamese coffee to everyone from this private little window soon enough !

.. i'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when i'll be back again ♫♪

2008-04-30T10:46:00.000+07:00

.. its confirmed, i would be leaving Malaysia on the 4th of May 2008. Anxiety is creeping up onto me, and not to forget excitement as well. Vietnam, a place which feels and look much like my hometown(or used to, not now with all the hotels being built), perhaps much more congested. I think i would like it there, cause i don't like fancy and big shopping complexes, night spots blablabla .. it would be .. hmnn .. a raw kind of experience. Everything to its roots and entirety, back to nature.

.. well, i think that is for me to judge once i reach Hanoi. I'm just assuming and using my imagination at this moment. Irregardless, i am sure it would be an interesting journey for me, and due time to start a new chapter in my life..

.. do check out this space again soon for updates

.. guess i'll be back after all

2008-04-26T00:32:00.000+07:00

A short and quick update, i had requested to be posted to Vietnam and it has been approved. Do expect much more interesting stuffs here once i get there .. !

.. currently away

2007-10-30T08:44:00.000+07:00

I am sorry for the long hiatus, currently i am so tied up with work that i do not have time for my regular meals .. promise i'll be back next week ..

.. of causes and actions

2007-10-17T07:51:00.000+07:00

.. an update, after a few days hiatus (due to the holidays in Malaysia, i'm just lazing around doing nothing), i realised the fact that i might run out of ideas to write in this blog if nothing spectacular happens to me in the course of my daily life. I can't be telling everyone what happens from the moment i woke up and what transpires when i drive to work right ?? Having that said out, that brings me to my topic today.

.. causes and actions, it is one of the rules that i swear by in my life. Without cause, there is no action, and with action, you need to have a cause to have done that. Can't understand ? Here is a simple scenario, your mom asks you to buy salt from the shop, both mom and salt is the cause. You abide to the request, because you respect your mom, and also without salt you cant have good food. You would not be buying salt for no reason ..

.. that would be the simplest of scenarios, but the same applies if you use it in the most complex of all things in the world, friendship. Friendship is something which you build over time, and it does not happen overnight. It would take years .. years .. years .. i can't stress it enough, but it will only take one simple action to break it into pieces, and most of the time you would not know what happened.

.. the word "sorry" is abused and manipulated in so many ways as an action. If there is an misunderstanding, whether its between you and your loved ones, or between you and a close friend, or between Ah Nia, Ah Sing and you, would you be saying sorry just because you want to recover the relationship. Sorry, being the action taken, but what is the cause for you to have done it? It would be fine if its said to your mom,dad or spouses, because they share your life. But how would it apply to your friends, if you could still label them as friends because of the trust lost so easily in the misunderstanding.

.. is it worth it for you to take action ?

.. i will never do anything unless it is a friendship i cherish and value.
.. it may look like a very selfish act, but is it not what everyone is supposed to be? It is a primal instinct everyone has. Self preservation. Survival. These are the causes for me not to take action. An action taken due to cause that does not benefit me in any way, it is not worth to consider at all. A wrong action taken without a cause would trigger a lot of other actions that might cause a snowball effect that will crush you in the end.

.. confused already ?

.. space, not the final frontier

2007-10-11T07:36:00.000+07:00

.. a big hearty congratulations goes to Dr Syeikh Muszaphar Shukor for being the very first Malaysian to be in space. I am in all means a Malaysian, and very very proud of being one despite the title above might sound satirical. One of the many firsts for Malaysia, and i am sure more would come in near future. Keeping up with the muhibbah spirit, to all Malaysians reading this, lets shout in unison,

.. Malaysia Boleh !!

.. so what is next to conquer ? We had done Everest, we had done the north pole, and now into space .. high in hopes would be walking on the moon as said by one of our Malaysian minister's, Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu.

.. personally, i think what everyone is missing out would be the depths of the ocean. The depths still holds many secrets to date, and many is still left undiscovered. Somehow, the vast depths of the ocean is always left neglected, even in the movies ! How many deep ocean movies can you name now .. hmmmnn, Finding Nemo, Atlantis, Jaws?, Titanic???, .. those are the only few i can only recall. And how many space themed movies can you recall, LOL, all six episodes of star wars, countless spin offs of Star Trek, Aliens, Total Recall, Doom .. endless.

.. i am not a scientist or researcher, and this would be just my 2 cents, and in no position at all to condemn anyone, but why is it so hard to explore the depths of the ocean? You get more in the ocean than in space, in space you are a tourist, you go in space, you take pictures, you take souvenirs (samples), bla bla bla .. space is just oblivion, you dont even get to see aliens!

.. in the ocean, a whole new world awaits. There is still life down there, creatures that could have survived the age of the dinosaurs, or even way much earlier than that. The depths of the ocean is much closer to home, and i do hope, that in near future, if there is really plans from the Malaysian government to have a swim, i would be their first choice since i debated it first.

Disclaimer : I am in no way at all critisizing anyone at all, this is only my 2 cents and please do not take offence in this. No mermaids are hurt in the process of writing this. Malaysia Boleh !!

.. death

2007-10-10T07:51:00.000+07:00

.. death, and a very bad way to start off the morning writing a blog of this topic. My deepest condonlences to my friend for the passing of her mom yesterday morning. I have lost those dear to me before and i share your grief and sorrow.

.. it would be difficult to cope for this lost, death leaves a void where used to be occupied by love, tears and laughter. A friend's lost is my lost too, it brings a surge of emotions flooding and numbing all my senses .. fearing the thought .. of how i would feel, if i am in her place ..

.. love is what made us human
.. grief made us human
.. tears made us human
.. laughter made us human
.. we are so fragile

.. how often you found yourself ignoring everything else around you when you laugh or cry .. or cuddled with your loved ones ? Every single subtle pulse of his of her heartbeat fuels your desire to live on, doing everything you could, sacrifices, remembering every pulse of your shared life with your loved ones .. and your family and friends.

.. how do you define life, if you do not share it with another ?
.. but how do you define life,
if you have lost another which you share life with.

.. to me, what matters most is what happens in between,
.. what matters
.. is what happens in between life and death
.. in the end, it would not matter to you

.. in the end, it would matter to those who loved you
.. the least you could do,
is to leave them with something meaningful

( .. in memories of those dear to me )

.. all about petai

2007-10-08T07:57:00.000+07:00

.. how often would you smirk in disgust or smile in amusement when see the word petai, or even worse smell it. You either hate it or love it. I myself, have to confess that i do not detest petai in any way at all. I need my weekly fix of petai if possible. It is poison for others to smell it, but bliss for them who consume it. I have often wondered what are the actual scientific properties of petai, or even the actual English name of it .. so i set out on a quest to debunk the myths about petai. Enjoy the following data and information, and hopefully will shed some light on this bean.

Picked from wikipedia, a definition ..

Parkia speciosa (petai, twisted cluster bean, yongchaak or stink bean), is a plant of the genus Parkia in the family Fabaceae. It bears long, flat edible beans with bright green seeds the size and shape of plump almonds which have a rather peculiar smell, characterised by some as being similar to that added to methane gas.[1]
They are an acquired taste, but are popular in southern Thailand, Burma, Malaysia, Indonesia and North-eastern India and are sold in bunches, still in the pod, or the seeds are sold in plastic bags. They are exported in jars or cans, pickled in brine.
Depending on the country of origin they may be labelled peteh, petai, yongchaak or sataw (sometimes spelled sator). They are best when combined with other strong flavoured foods such as garlic, chile peppers, and dried shrimp, as in "sambal petai" or added to a Thai curry such as Thai Green Curry of Duck. When young the pods are flat because the seeds have not yet developed, and they hang like a bunch of slightly twisted ribbons, pale green, almost translucent. At this stage they may be eaten raw, fried or pickled. In North-eastern India, the seeds are dried and seasoned for later consumption. When dried the seeds turn black.
Petai has earned its nickname 'stink bean' because its strong smell is very pervasive. It lingers in the mouth and body. Like asparagus, it contains certain amino acids that give a strong smell to ones urine, an effect that can be noticed up to two days after consumption. Like other beans, their complex carbohydrates can also cause strong-smelling flatulence

Credits to PM Dr.Aminuddin AHK, Dept.of Physiology Medical faculty of UKM Kuala Lumpur for actually doing his research on petai ..

Little did you know ..... after reading THIS, you'll NEVER look at petai in the same way again! Petai contain three natural sugars -sucrose, fructose and glucose -combined with fiber, petai gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proved that just two servings of petai provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout.No wonder petai is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way petai can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome orprevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating petai. This is because petai contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS (premenstrual syndrome): Forget the pills - eat petai. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, petai can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so,the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the petai industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating petai at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation: High in fiber, including petai in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make apetaimilkshake, sweetened with honey. The petai calms the stomach and,with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Petai has a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating petai for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness: Snacking on petai between meals helps to keep bloodsugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of the petai skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves: Petai is high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.Overweight Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs.The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: Petai is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control: Many other cultures see petai as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Holland, for example, pregnant women eat petai to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Petai can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer, tryptophan.
Smoking: Petai can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heart beat,sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassiumlevels.These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium petai snack.
Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine,"eating petai as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death bystrokes by as much as 40%"
Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of petai and place it on the wart. Carefully hold the petai in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

.. so, you see, petai really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich inpotassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time tochange that well-known phrase so that we say, "A Petai a day keeps the doctor away" !!
.. stock up your petai's today and let us drink to health with a glass of petai milkshake.

.. macaque !!

2007-10-05T09:28:00.000+07:00

( .. no actual macaques are harmed in the process of writing this )

.. ma·caque Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[muh-kak, -kahk]
–noun, any monkey of the genus Macaca, chiefly of Asia, characterized by cheek pouches and, usually, a short tail: several species are threatened or endangered. Originates of southeast Asia, Japan, Gibraltar, and northern Africa.

.. this particular species of the simian family had been haunting my dreams since chilhood. I am already 28 now, and once in a while, they would still sneak fiendishly into my night's rest and create havoc. Sometimes, they come in a pack, sometimes they come alone, but most of the time, irregardless of number, they wont cease to terrorize my peaceful rest.
.. ugh, the things they do, i cringe and shudder in angst everytime that smirking hairy face appears. I still remember, there is this particular dream, repeating itself over and over again, with this specific macaque with a bald patch on top of its head, and a black splotch of black fur on its belly, also not forgetting that fiendish grin, as the main actor. He is such a regular that i have even given him a name, Ah Kwong (Mr Shiny, would be the nearest translation in english, reminiscence of this bald patch).
.. i suppose Ah Kwong would be the mastermind in the attacks in my dreams, judging from the way others avoid him and gives way whenever he's around. He has this particular featish with red yarns, where he would every single time without fail, roll up an endless supply into a big round ball, rolling, rolling ... rolling non stop growing bigger each time he turns up in my dreams. This gargantuan bright ball of yarn would chase me to the ends of world everytime. At 28 years of age now, it has grown so big now, i am not able to apprehend it at all.
.. i would just run everytime.
.. every time i end up waking up, exhausted, anxious, and of course swaying my arms or kicking. Just today, i have this ache in my right foot for hitting it hard onto the frame of my bed, in an act of desperation trying to kick Ah Kwong !
.. anyone who reads this, you might be smiling now thinking how absurd this is, but isn't that what dreams are supposed to be? Irregardless, if you do happen to be an expert in dream interpretion, help me!! Dreams are somehow related to your real walking life, events which happen to you, would manipulate itself and represent itself to your subconcious self in form of dreams. No one is ever perfect, everyone has their own issues, up and downs in your life, daily problem solving puzzles which would baffle you to world's end. You will be more of yourself if you are able to identify and adapt to your problems from your dreams.
.. but in my case, with Ah Kwong haunting me, how could it actually relate to anything in my real life !!??

.. chicken story

2007-10-04T08:36:00.000+07:00

( .. time really flies when you do things that you enjoy, but slows down when you do things that you don't enjoy)

.. chicken story, now that is really interesting, in fact i find it so amusing (yet depressing once you know the outcome), that i need to write this down. I've heard this from a friend, and i will try to relate it again as accurately as possible without any deviations from his account. This is a story about a friendship gone sour, and it might sound boring, but from the way i view it, it is indeed amusing and would like comments from visitors.

.. it all started from a chicken, a dead chicken.

.. a few months ago, a group of students of about 200 strong took a flight to UK to complete their Degree. Upon arrival, and of course recovering from the culture shock and jet lag, they settled down in their dorm. It was summer then, and mostly students there are asian. My friend, Kelvin, and one of his close friend, Marcus, both from Penang,are together in this group. It all went well, happily they went on with their lives and studies for the first few weeks, cooking for each another .. living together and sharing their new found experience in a totally new environment.
.. cooking, hmnn .. this is where the chicken comes in. Marcus met Mary, who stays in the same dorm, and Mary had been cooking for the rest since they arrived. They take turns buying grocery and delegation of washing the dishes. One day, Mary bought a chicken at a much lower price, cause it was somehow crushed during transportation or something else .. i don't know, but it was disfigured and looks rotten. The rest got disgusted, and made remarks .. Mary got annoyed .. everyone else stopped talking to her .. except Marcus.
.. Marcus became closer and closer to Mary, spending their time together. Slowly, Marcus withdrawn from the majority, dedicating his full attention to Mary. Kelvin, immediately saw a drastic change in his close friend and knew that he had lost a friend. Of course there are alot of details on these changes, but i would not want to lay them out one by one .. that would definitely bore you to death.

.. so is this called compassionate love ? You take advantage of another at their weakest moment, manipulating that lowest moment of your emotions to turn it into something strong. How long do you think this would last and at what cost do you have to pay ? Losing a friend, losing your social link, withdrawing yourself from everyone else, .. straying. How can we maintain a balance between love and friendship, is it ever possible ? How do you define friendship in this case ..
.. if its lost because of a .. chicken.

( .. names had been changed to protect myself from being beaten up and to protect the identity of the real life friends i know. Any matters pertaining life, injury, heartbreaks, love, or any innocent mosquitoes that got killed in the process of writing this .. does not concern me, i am a story teller, please treat this as crap if you think you do not like it )

.. my first step

2007-10-03T08:57:00.000+07:00

.. congratulations to those who actually managed to stumble upon my blog amongst billions and billions within the world wide web. Most likely, you have managed to reach my personal refuge through messenger (and in no ways i pledge my support for this messaging software, just that all my friends use it).
.. i would not start off my first post telling everyone i am the lonely chap who seeks asylum and sanity through this small space online (and .. please i am really NOT one of them), i am having this blog so that i have a place to have my thoughts documented ( .. hmmnn, isn't that why we have blogs ?)
.. i am 28, in Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia ( .. thats it for introductions of myself )
.. as a brief introduction on what to expect from me, or rather what i plan to have documented within this blog, would be, of course my thoughts and ramblings whenever i feel a change in myself or people around me ( .. or anything at all regarding my country, my pet, ducks, pigs, my car, my friend's car ..... etc etc, you get the picture) and of course this blog would be a space for me to document all my poems.
.. yes, i write poems, freestyle ! I have even got one of my poem published, titled "Red Horizon", compilation of poems from amateurs and pros alike around the world, a hardcover edition book, "Time after Time", go find it in the literary section in your nearest bookstore. I would have it posted here soon once i get hold of my notebook which i have kept at home.
.. do check back this space regularly, would be slowly changing and updating as i get the chance to do so. I do admit, using the current template provided is a bit bland, but i will get it changed one step at time. A promise that i can make, would be interesting content on my rambling ( trying to figure out how to let visitors post replies, so this would be interactive, i'm new to blogging, have patience !!)
.. officially, this would be my first ever post in a blog, and so far i am enjoying every moment of it. Guess there is enough ramblings here to keep visitors entertained for at least 3 minutes up till this paragrapgh, and i do hope it is time well spent for you. Thank you for that 3 minutes, and do expect to have more time wasted ( .. or enjoyed, however you want to put it) on your next visit !!