.. for the greater good

.. life is ever so filled with cruelty and happiness. Often it would strike hard and fast without you even realizing where it came from. Happiness comes from life that you share with another, be it a friend or your partner. I have to admit, i have changed so much since i came to Vietnam. Friends who knows me well, especially those who had been with me all this whilst i undergo the transformation to who i am right not.

.. in the harsh conditions that made me leave Malaysia for good, and i do mean it, for good, there is no looking back now, i could never forget. Be it the monster that i have turned into now, covered by the fake angelic and crooked smile that i have always worn on my face, i could never bring myself to admit that i do enjoy the solitude that i have every single time i am alone.

.. maybe i am meant to live my life that way. Alone .. maybe the quote i have so fondly used everywhere, depicted right at the bottom of this page really is my motivation to move on.

" .. why are we so fond of life, which begins with a groan .. and ends with a cry."

.. often i ponder, is it what lies in between? I am born into this world from the bonds of love my parents have, but is it destined for me to go alone as well. Being the monster i am now, would i be able shed this vampiric behavior and be really able to accept someone into my life again ? Is my pursuit of happiness over, having turned myself into a vampire that lives a life of solitude ? Not being able to accept anything, or anyone, hiding away in the comforts of my own darkness, enjoying the coldness that freezes my heart from accepting the warmth offered by friends.

.. i have so many questions left unanswered, and i guess it would never be, until i really find the one person that is meant for me to spend eternity with. In the mean time, might as well i just wear a big placard around my neck ..

" .. all ye who enter, abandon hope"

.. whatever decision that i come to, or which is made for me by others, i believe it is for the greater good. There is a reason for everything, and for everything that there is, it is for something.

.. don't be afraid friends, i am still who i am. I'll still have that crooked smile when you see me. I'll still be the angel that you all know. Only a selected few would see the real me, and i do thank you all for being with me all this while. Being a monster is not easy, especially one that is good.

.. or rather one that thinks he is good, maybe sometimes his fiendish self would resurface and start terrorizing everything around him

.. for the greater good of course.

:-P


( .. i am not in any way drunk when i am writing this. Just another one of my ramblings, just feeling a bit down today, and i need to write something gloomy, good night all, don't think this would make sense since it doesn't even make sense to me )