.. anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry to the right person, to a right degree, at a right time and right way .. it is not easy

.. this might probably be my last post for while. To my horror, i realized i do not have an internet connection where i am going, unless there is free wifi networks to hitch a ride on. I doubt there would be on the 7th floor (lol, yes, 7 again, a significant and important number in my life), too high up to find a network from a nearby cafe.

.. this post would probably cap up the earlier two post i have, the good thing is, i made a trilogy in 2 days .. rather than having to wait 3 years for star wars or lord of the rings. I have no plans of making a seven part like chronicles of narnia or harry potter. There is too much of negativity being written down, i am putting myself into misery with every word i pen down.

.. the past 3 months had been a whirlwind of a journey to me. I was bombarded with a whirlwind of emotions that had left me wounded so badly i do not think it would ever heal. As usual, as typical as human could be, one single emotion would just manifest itself and overcome the others. To be where i am right now, in Vietnam, blogging intensively for the past month, i have analyzed and thought things over so many time already. Angst, can only be channeled to my thoughts and penned down here, but not to anyone else.

.. holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harms we do, we do to ourselves.

.. how often would you find yourself cursing and swearing against actions you have done, often putting yourself in a state of misery so bad, you feel that everything around you is against you. The world would be so fucked up to you, that you feel totally useless, and distraught. It would often lead to decisions that you would never imagined yourself doing. Saying things that you would not even dream of saying .. but you still went ahead without much realizing it.

.. that is how true that statement in my title would be. Often, angst would lead to things unimaginable. Angst and hatred is not easy to control. It manifests itself in many ways, often creeping up to you in the least expected moment when you thought you have got over it. Things are not always what it seems .. 3 months, 8 months .. it always comes back to haunt you.

.. people might call it moving on, or starting a new chapter .. but in actuality, would it ever happen ?

.. forget and forgive ? Is it possible ?

.. anger is a killing thing, every time it happens, the rage that boils would take something out of you, leaving you less than what you had been before. Many had been through this before, and i have my own stories to tell, but i have caused hurt so much, and being hurt even more, i am less and less prone to letting angst take over my emotions.

.. what is done is done, leaving scars and wounds, and emotions that would never heal. Why should we let these marks take much more from us, than what we have already lost?

.. it lies within each and every of us, letting go is not easy when depression and misery leaves you lost in an oblivion, but all this are manifestations of our emotions. It happens within you, and no one would ever be able to control or manipulate them .. let reality dissolve and settle in you, carrying on is very easy to do irregardless how wounded one is. No one should ever swim in swirl of emotions hard to control, making you say or do things that is unimaginable and might cause hurt to another.

.. it is not easy to have control over what will ever happen,

.. but you have control over what had happened.

.. it is a matter of believing,

.. and let anger be something that you keep to yourself,

.. and the world would definitely be slightly nicer to live in,

.. with one less angry person.



( .. good night all, and thanks to that someone who had shared a lot with me for the past 2 nights, it was a huge relief for me to have finally completed my trilogy, and look forward to my trip to Saigon. Probably this is a result for one month of contained thoughts that i could not share with anyone since the Vietnamese could not understand me, irregardless how hard i tried .. eg, can someone tell me how to describe "gays" to a Vietnamese in sign language without being rude ?? )


~ end ~


Disclaimer : All names had been withheld from my posts to protect the identity of the person in real life, if they do exist. No portions of my posts should be duplicated anywhere, at least let me know so i would not get angry if i see it. No animals or 40 year old aunties were hurt in the process of writing this, they had been very very helpful. If my last post (the one above) happens to annoy or upset anyone, please, keep that anger to yourself. Trust me, it is nice, warm and fuzzy .. to be happy.